Internationally Known Novelist Author and Humorist
Cynthia J Dueringer
HOPES TO BE AN
INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLER!!!
Cynthia J Dueringer The Author! The Writer! The Humorist! Welcome to my site!
This page is all about the author!
BIO: Scroll WAAAAAYY down for my ridiculous bio, scroll past the silly pictures, then past the author baloney, and past the nice note to readers and writers...and keep scrolling. I put my bio down in the basement of this page....where it belongs.
I was a cute chubby kid!
I look like a poor Polish immigrant.
(I am 25% Polski!)
I dress up on rare occasion!I
This was about 15 years ago
and probably the last time I dressed up ...and only had one chin.
I cut my own hair, obviously!
I'm ready for my trip to walmart.
I am learning to fly-fish when I'm not writing!
Yum! Supper!
From the Author:
I was born in a log cabin I helped my mother build. Yes, it's an old joke, but so am I. I was born on Lake Erie and breathed in a sense of humor and sarcasm quite young. As a lifelong writer of useless thoughts, silly poetry, a few years as a humor columnist, then finally writing two terrific novels, (check out "books" in the menu) I've been able to plug my sarcasm and humor into all of it. I also wrote a few obituaries that I am no longer allowed to write.
Don't forget to check out my books before you leave!
Don't read books? Ok, then browse around my site for silly poetry, ridiculous essays, and humor articles about stuff that drives me crazy.
Having A Laugh
There's not much of anything better than having a good laugh. It's healthy, it feels good and it makes me happy to make someone else laugh. All my work is strewn with humor. It is my gift to you, free.
Some notes from the author:
SO....I write from my heart, my head, and anywhere else that moves me. You will read how I write, how I like some white space, how I make up fun words that don't exist and how one of my favorite parts of writing is making fun chapter titles! Who said chapter titles aren't supposed to be done in professional work? I don't care. This is how I like it.
On the review side, I've had some really generous terrific reviews and I LOVE those people that took the time to post a review on Amazon, Goodreads, Online Books, and Barnes and Noble. But, on the flip side, I have had a couple reviewers say it was too long or that I spent too much time introducing the characters. Then again, others have loved the deep character development part. So I've learned, attention other writers, YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE!
I'm kind of a free spirit when it comes to my written stuff so I do my thing in a way that makes me enjoy writing. I'll be thrilled if you like it, bummed if you don't. But I have learned the writers' manifesto...again, "you can't please everyone". I let my stories run on their own little legs. If they run, great! If they fall, so be it.
If you love it, terrific, if you hate it, I will feel bad you had to waste your time and I apologize....either way though, you got 100% ME without someone tinkering with my work.
I love to write and love to entertain with my writing. When you think about how little marks on paper can take and idea from my head and develop a picture in someone else's, it's really a miracle! And most important to me, YOU WILL LAUGH! And every story I write has a satisfying ending....you don't have make up your own at the end or try to figure it out. Enjoy the Read!!
And now....my BIO! My BIOOOooooo!
Bi-O, Biiii-OOoo,
Daylight come an' I wanna new phone.
(sing it!!)
Biii-O, Biiii-iii O,
Daylight come and I need a car loan.
👇 👇 👇 👇
YES!
My Bio!
The personal stuff:
I'm not good about promoting myself, I'm kind of shy in that department, assuming anyone I know could fathom that I would be shy about anything. I admit to getting loud when I get wound up about something. The shyness about my work makes me a crappy marketer about my written stuff and I'm too cheap to hire a promotional outfit, so I give a lot away. But for me, it's really all about handing out laughter. If I made you laugh today, then I've done my job. I was given a big sense of humor and my job is to share it.
So let's see, this is where I can be really silly....um.....I had chickenpox as a kid. And poison ivy. And got my tonsils out. I got really sick once and my mom fried onions and dumped them onto a couple kichen towels she spread out on my chest and I got to sleep on the kitchen table. But I woke up in my bed smelling like rotten produce. I got in big trouble once trying to pour myself a cup of gasoline from dad's gas can so I could build a little campfire back in the woods. BIG trouble!
I got lost at the Sears and Roebuck's basement once when I was about five because I wandered away from my parents looking for where the smell of popcorn was coming from. I was snagged by a couple of sales people in the department and they sat me up high on a sales counter because by then I was crying and terrified that I was abandoned until I saw my dad coming to rescue me from being an orphan or being tossed in a sale bin and sold on clearance. By the way, you can see the popcorn machine from the sales counter.
I'm the kid that spent too much time in the hall when I was in elementary school for talking all the time and trying to make the class laugh. I was able to keep my mind occupied during my hall time making up stories about why I was in the hall. "boot checker"? "lunch box auditor"? "brick counter"? "weather informant"? "errrant beetle tracker"?
Finally in 9th grade I had a great English teacher that let me write the assigned weekly themes with as much imagination as I wanted and as far as it would stretch. She'd pick out three themes to read at the end of the day on Friday. Right away, she picked mine. I had to lug my shy, awkward, lumpy, boobless, 14-year-old body up in front of the class to read my theme. I was sweating more than a cheap window air conditioner in a bayou summer. My voice was wobbly and I noticed everyone staring at me. ACK! It's different making wisecracks from the back of the class when nobody is staring at you. But very different when they are all staring at you waiting for you to screw up. I looked at the class of kids' eyeballs staring at me then I looked at the classroom door and wanted to RUN! I believe my first theme was "Forest of the Giant Watermelon Seeds". I don't remember what it was about, but I began to read it and by the 3rd or 4th sentence I was settling in and feeling at home with it all, like this is normal. As I approached the first gag I got nervous. I think stand-up comedians must feel that same joke-jitter. As I hit the words and read the gag lines my head went kind of blank. But then almost immediately I heard the laughter, a lot of laughter....and they were laughing at something I wrote that was supposed to be funny! I was instantly and forevermore hooked on writing and twice as hooked on being funny. By high school I was writing skits, themes, articles for the school paper and announcement ads for school events. I drove my friends nuts writing notes. LONG notes. Later I wrote stories for my kids, then landed a fun gig as a humor columnist for a local paper for a couple years. I wrote a couple obituaries but couldn't remain serious, so not allowed to do that anymore. The publisher of the newspaper that let me write the humor column kept telling me, for forty years, "you are so dam funny, you should write a book!" So finally I decided to do it. And I did!!!!! Thanks, Keith! Serious isn't in my nature, I was given great sarcasm genes from my dad and he was a terrific story-teller. Hopefully I picked up that gene too. There's skill, timing, and placement of information to tell a funny story and have it not be too long that you lose your audience to wondering when they can excuse themselves to go count coats in the coat closet.
I was so excited to get started writing my book with nearly sixty years of wanting to write a book, but like most folks, you think being a novelist is glamorous. It became years of writing, months of editing, then marketing (or lack of marketing in my case), and getting reviews that don't crush your soul. I also didn't think through the title very well. I wrote sort of a joke there, nobody gets it. I probably expected a little too much from the general audience. So now my book has been on Amazon for over a year and it's pretty much been DOA because I thought Amazon would help market it. Nope. They do zero. So the book will have to fly or die on its own. C'est la vie. I'm working on a couple more books, a Christmas story, a book of a collection of my crazy poetry, humor columns and maybe even a few of my holiday newsletters. I'm always writing something. I can't stop. So if you have nothing to do, get my book, "A-Drift on the Road" while it's on sale during the release anniversary. It's dialog heavy, rich backgrounded characters, lots of laughs, and some practical old fashioned horse-sense. Its fun, interesting, suspenseful, and creative...or so the reviewers said. You can find the reviews all over google and I've included some here for your reading punishm....I mean "pleasure".
I guess I'm done biographying now. 😁
I'm the kid that spent too much time in the hall when I was in elementary school for talking all the time and trying to make the class laugh. I was able to keep my mind occupied during my hall time making up stories about why I was in the hall. "boot checker"? "lunch box auditor"? "brick counter"? "weather informant"? "errrant beetle tracker"?
Finally in 9th grade I had a great English teacher that let me write the assigned weekly themes with as much imagination as I wanted and as far as it would stretch. She'd pick out three themes to read at the end of the day on Friday. Right away, she picked mine. I had to lug my shy, awkward, lumpy, boobless, 14-year-old body up in front of the class to read my theme. I was sweating more than a cheap window air conditioner in a bayou summer. My voice was wobbly and I noticed everyone staring at me. ACK! It's different making wisecracks from the back of the class when nobody is staring at you. But very different when they are all staring at you waiting for you to screw up. I looked at the class of kids' eyeballs staring at me then I looked at the classroom door and wanted to RUN! I believe my first theme was "Forest of the Giant Watermelon Seeds". I don't remember what it was about, but I began to read it and by the 3rd or 4th sentence I was settling in and feeling at home with it all, like this is normal. As I approached the first gag I got nervous. I think stand-up comedians must feel that same joke-jitter. As I hit the words and read the gag lines my head went kind of blank. But then almost immediately I heard the laughter, a lot of laughter....and they were laughing at something I wrote that was supposed to be funny! I was instantly and forevermore hooked on writing and twice as hooked on being funny. By high school I was writing skits, themes, articles for the school paper and announcement ads for school events. I drove my friends nuts writing notes. LONG notes. Later I wrote stories for my kids, then landed a fun gig as a humor columnist for a local paper for a couple years. I wrote a couple obituaries but couldn't remain serious, so not allowed to do that anymore. The publisher of the newspaper that let me write the humor column kept telling me, for forty years, "you are so dam funny, you should write a book!" So finally I decided to do it. And I did!!!!! Thanks, Keith! Serious isn't in my nature, I was given great sarcasm genes from my dad and he was a terrific story-teller. Hopefully I picked up that gene too. There's skill, timing, and placement of information to tell a funny story and have it not be too long that you lose your audience to wondering when they can excuse themselves to go count coats in the coat closet.
I was so excited to get started writing my book with nearly sixty years of wanting to write a book, but like most folks, you think being a novelist is glamorous. It became years of writing, months of editing, then marketing (or lack of marketing in my case), and getting reviews that don't crush your soul. I also didn't think through the title very well. I wrote sort of a joke there, nobody gets it. I probably expected a little too much from the general audience. So now my book has been on Amazon for over a year and it's pretty much been DOA because I thought Amazon would help market it. Nope. They do zero. So the book will have to fly or die on its own. C'est la vie. I'm working on a couple more books, a Christmas story, a book of a collection of my crazy poetry, humor columns and maybe even a few of my holiday newsletters. I'm always writing something. I can't stop. So if you have nothing to do, get my book, "A-Drift on the Road" while it's on sale during the release anniversary. It's dialog heavy, rich backgrounded characters, lots of laughs, and some practical old fashioned horse-sense. Its fun, interesting, suspenseful, and creative...or so the reviewers said. You can find the reviews all over google and I've included some here for your reading punishm....I mean "pleasure".
I guess I'm done biographying now. 😁