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I'm a GRANDMA!
Sort of like an old white lady rap. Like "Ringo" by Lorne Green if you can go back that far.
By Cynthia J Dueringer, a very cool hilarious Grandma! Please yell out the words in all caps as you read. LOL
I’m a cool old lady with a wrinkly face, I walk a little slower than my youthful pace. But my mind is still strong and I take no crap from punky little kids with with front-tooth gaps. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I wear flip-flops when the summer gets here I can drink a margarita or a cold cold beer. I can order up some pizza with a single call Then separate the kids when they’re into a brawl. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I could be kinda trim or I might be chubby I can dress real nice or backyard grubby. You can’t mess with me and my sagging jowls, I’m smart as a whip and wise as the owls. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I wear my bifocals and my hair turned gray, Don’t know my future but I’m here today. I’m tough as old nails and always on guard, Yet I’m soft and sentimental as a Hallmark card. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I can diaper up the baby as quick as a wink, Wiping off his rear so his butt don’t stink. I’ll gather up the toys in one big swoop, Diapering again for another baby poop. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I can work in the garden from dawn til dusk Then head to the kitchen to bake a pie crust I can knit a baby bonnet and sew a pretty dress. I can sling a vacuum cleaner and mop a dog mess. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I can light a campfire not using a Bic Rubbing sticks together will light it up quick, I pu sleeping bags down, with a one, two, three, Cook breakfast in a pit like a scout Jamboree. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I don’t miss much when I look straight ahead ‘cause I have nine eyes in the back of my head I can see what’s going on even in my sleep The creepy stuff I know would make the Pope weep. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I drive like crazy in my big Towncar I like to go fast but not real far. I yell at everybody with my windows up While sipping cold Pepsi from a plastic cup. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA! I’ve learned about people in my 70 years, I can figure people out like a soul cashier. I raised 3 kids and there’s nothing new I can shape up anybody and spoil ‘em too. I’m a grandma, GRANDMA! I give baby kisses and a pretty good hug, Loving my family is the best kind of drug. I’ll end this now and head to the kitchen ‘Cause it’s time to fix dinner with a Walmart chicken. I’m a grandma! GRANDMA!!!!!!!! Original work by C Dueringer, hot off the presses on Tax Day 2015